Since i was born i started to decay,now nothing ever ever goes my way.

there is a lack of love,lack of love.

2008-04-16T06:39:00.000-07:00

omul este doar un animal cu fitze.

[and i feel like a stranger]

they tried to tear it apart. they've never succeeded. but we did. twice. we cheated our own game, fucker.
Wedding bells ain't gonna chime
With both of us guilty of crime
And both of us sentenced to time
And now we're all alone

...............................................................................................................................................................
[old notes.]

run,hide.

requiem for d46.

2008-04-12T03:19:00.000-07:00

habar nu am de ce a fost asa. stiu doar k am fost persoana potrivita la momentul nepotrivit. mi-ai oferit prea mult,mai mult decat as fi meritat si nu am stiut sa te apreciez. acum e mult prea tarziu,ai devenit alta persoana,iar eu am devenit ceea ce'ar fi trebuit sa fiu atunci. citeam cateva cuvinte din d46, si acum le inteleg altfel. daca ai fi aparut acum.ar fii fost perfect. oricum a fost perfect;daca nu ar fi fost,nu as fi regretat.nu ar fi ramas sentimentul amortit ca o lipitoare pe inima mea;o lipitoare
care soarbe orice fir de dreptate care l-am avut atunci,si lasa in urma un val fierbinte de sange vinovat.degeaba ti-as spune,esti o umbra,esti doar cineva care'mi aduce aminte de tine.de noi,de momentele frumoase si de acea noapte in care am fost niste prosti. am promis sa nu mai fac aceeasi greseala,dar ce rost ar mai avea. ei nu merita.toate se intampla cu un scop.toate inafara de sfarsitul nostru. si acum,ca au trecut anii,inca te admir,inca ma trezesc cu gandul la tine,inca vreau sa fii mandru de mine.inca mai visez la ziua in care o sa ne impacam. tu inca mai crezi in versurile alea,inca ma iubesti,dar nu mai valorez nimic.
zapada alba in care visam,stelele,frigul,ninsoarea,le-am impaturit in violet cu verde si le port in buzunar mereu.mergi in paralel cu toate lucrurile din viata mea,ca o idee calauzitoare.mi-e frica sa nu uit albastrul,negrul si albul care erau mereu cu noi.ne-am dat seama cam tarziu.toate acestea sunt simboluri,cuvinte,banalitati.eram perfecti.
nu eram deloc perfecti,dar macar asa ne vedeam.n-am avut destula vointa,nu am stiut cum sa tinem totul sub control. ne-au schimbat,au incercat,eu reusit.am fost prea naiva. imi pare rau.
azi o sa pierd toate cuvintele,mi-as fi dorit sa le am pemtru totdeauna,sa le citesc si sa regret.poate o sa le recuperez.am vrut sa'ti spun doar...sunt multe posibilitati de'a povesti ce'a fost.multe schite.poate intr'o zi o sa ma ajuti sa aleg una,care'ti place mai mult.

Black, blue.

2008-02-22T12:19:00.000-08:00

Should I see the truth?...see what
Do i ever care?
Should I listen blind?
When did you bring me here?

Your cigs and all the noises
The cold
The drums,the beats,the kisses.

The say it’s not right
They say you’re an idiot.
I keep on smiling
Let go, let go.
“Come closer,you’re too far.”
Your breath
The smoke
Your eyes
The fog.

And all those words
And all those rumors
Who are you?
I don’t remember your face when I close my eyes.

Say something sweet.
Get your hands off.
Enough scars,I won’t let you in.
I don’t believe that.
I can’t trust you when you say hello

You seem familiar, have we met?
You say you love me.
No more, thank you.

Shallow blue thing.
Turn on the red light.
Now you’re prettier.
Hold me tighter you idiot!
I’ll soon be going.

What?
No, you cannot stab my heart.

Mediocritatea

2008-01-25T13:18:00.000-08:00

se poate si asa. haters. ......... sunt multe ganduri care'mi trec prin minte dar nu o sa le expun. totusi..... am gasit asta prin calc,am scris'o intr'un moment de ... nu stiu. ceva cam ca acum.

Ce este mediocritatea? Sa vedem...mediocritatea este.... stilul de viata al societatii in care traiesc. Oamenii pe care ii vad la scara blocului fumanu-si pe ascuns secunde din viata,intoxicandu’si plamanii cu nicotina fara rost in ideea de a se expune ca persoane “cool”,bazate,cu valuare,...privirile flegmatice ale celor trasi la xerox care ma analizeaza incomod cand trec pe langa ei.Eu,o persoana considerata diferita...

Mi-au intrat sub piele si deseori ma trezesc dimineata cu periuta de dinti in gura uitandu’ma la cearcanele pronuntate si la parul ars si vopsit,ca nu sunt altfel decat ei. Sunt chiar mai prejos. Ma gandesc si la cei care au avut un alt stil de viata in tinerete si au ajuns sa asculte ...manele,sa isi scoata pe gura organele genitale la fiecare patru cuvinte,sa’si castige painea dupa o tejghea sau montand neoane.

Mi’e frica, o frica antipatica si egoista care mi-a ajuns si pe fatza. Nu pentru putini pot fii o copila proasta,respingatoare, de care n-ai chef sa dai cand esti bine dispus,ca s’ar putea iti apara un norisor deasupra capului pentru tot restul zilei. Multi vor citi ce am scris mai sus si voi pufai dandu’si ochii peste cap. Dar a ajuns sa nu-mi pese,si si asta ma sperie. Si totusi,daca nu imi pasa,nu ma mai speria. Hm..

What’s the point?

Nu ma mai motiveaza nimic sa-mi duc un lucru inceput la bun sfarsit. Am adoptat un “de maine” si o dependentza de inuitie care ma fac,incet incet, sa devin un animal bazat pe instincte. Si nu-mi place. Sunt urata,sunt naiva. Sunt judecata superficial?Cineva imi spunea ca daca te supraapreciezi vei avea parte doar de dezamagiri. Poate mediul asta e de vina. Sau poate sunt prea imatura ca sa’mi asum vina. Mi s’a spus k nu pot duce o idee la bun sfarsit niciodata. Nu pot sa ma apuc de nimic. Am spus “din semestrul urmator imi fac temele”, “de maine imi iau Voltaire de la bibliteca”. Multe multe vorbe. De azi vroiam sa ma apuc de o nuvela. Pe langa cele ...peste 10 incepute. Nu pot scrie nici un catren. Nu ma mai inteleg. Am devenit un exemplu de mediocritate. Nu. Defapt....am devenit doar constienta de ceea ce eram deja. Nimic mai mult. Nu inteleg de ce credeam k pot mai mult.

Ce este mediocritatea? O lipsa care te paraziteaza si te face sa zici "se poate si asa".

Smile

2007-12-28T10:45:00.000-08:00

i'm back.
nush.
nu mi-a lipsit netul.
o sa'mi fie lene sa transcriu juma' de caiet in word (that book-thing i'm writing)
ma doare taratza din cap.de ieri.
a da,imi arata cami pe mess poze cu usturoi si mi-e si rau acum.
*nu mai beau
*nu mai beau
*nu mai beau
(de 10 ori)
----------------------------------------------------------------
mint.
nurofen,lamaie.
fac reclama la lamaie,sorry.

nu stiu cum am ajuns sa ascult genu' asta de muzica
whatever.
i love this song.
ma duce cu gandu' la cineva.
mi'e somn,bye.

December

2007-11-30T12:39:00.000-08:00

it's too late to apologize, i'm too late.

cine'i aia,ce'i cu tine?...eh cine sunt. i should thank you.i'm so sorry.Happy Couldhavebeen!
peste cateva zile. servetele. intelegi?sunt proasta.sau... am fost.

povesti frumoase conservate in regrete.
inchise cu un lacat pt un anumit motiv
nu'mi explic.
nu eram eu...

=)) cu si despre bufnitze

2007-11-07T11:05:00.000-08:00

Ioana Lalala: :>:>:>
Ioana Lalala: sunt
Ioana Lalala: indragostita de o bufnita
Ioana Lalala: :>
- artdamage ºC: =)_
- artdamage ºC: )))))))))))))))))))))))
- artdamage ºC: a*****?
- artdamage ºC: )))
Ioana Lalala: am vazut`o pe mana lu unu vineri seara pe stra Muresenilor
Ioana Lalala: era mare
Ioana Lalala: sia avea oki imensi rotunzi
- artdamage ºC: ce tare
Ioana Lalala: si portocalii
- artdamage ºC:
Ioana Lalala: si grasa si maarreee
Ioana Lalala:
Ioana Lalala: doamne
- artdamage ºC: ))))))))
Ioana Lalala: 3 zile numa la bufnita aia ma gandeam
Ioana Lalala: a****** lol
Ioana Lalala: )))))))))))
- artdamage ºC:
Ioana Lalala: doamne diana.. si tipam k vreau o bufnita k aia
Ioana Lalala: si nimeni nu`mi dadea ((
Ioana Lalala:
- artdamage ºC: :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
- artdamage ºC: mor
Ioana Lalala: :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Ioana Lalala: era asa fainaaa
Ioana Lalala: :(( dragostea mea
- artdamage ºC: :))

(.......)

- artdamage ºC:
Ioana Lalala: http://makibird.deviantart.com/art/Baby-Scops-Owl-III-37036334 uite pui
- artdamage ºC: tu mi-au dat lacrimile
Ioana Lalala:
- artdamage ºC:
Ioana Lalala: ))))))))))
- artdamage ºC: ))
- artdamage ºC: CE MU*E ARE
- artdamage ºC:
Ioana Lalala: X:
Ioana Lalala: vreaaaaauuuu

(....)

Ioana Lalala: e asa sweet
Ioana Lalala:
Ioana Lalala: ))))))))
- artdamage ºC: doamne
- artdamage ºC:
Ioana Lalala:
Ioana Lalala: o sa`mi tatuez o bufnita
Ioana Lalala: pe cur

=))))

ahahhahahaaha

a**** = un tip,nu dau detalii (nume cenzurat)

Ps: multumesc ioana pt aprobarea publicarii discutiei =))

AMIN.

1 + 1 = 8,5

2007-10-27T00:35:00.000-07:00

Cea mai sincera transpunere a banalei realitati.

Mananci o Inghetzata...o consideri perfecta.
Crezi asta pana se transforma in Cacat.
Intr’o situatie...cacatul este pe parchet.
Ca sa il stergi iti trebuie o Zdreantza.
(btw,Cacatul trebuie sters repede pana nu se intareste.)
Zdreantza se duce repede...si tot mai raman urme de Cacat.
Ce faci atunci?
Iei un Mop.Speli bine urmele de Cacat ..
Si totusi..si Mopul il arunci..dupa o vreme.
Si urmele de cacat intra pe langa parchet foaaarte adanc.
Nimeni nu’l mai sterge.
Dar tu iti continui viata normala gandindu'te la modul absurd in care inghetzata s-a transformat in cacat.
Te asteptai la o asemenea intamplare.
Era inevitabil :)
Atunci incerci sa pastrezi amintirea inghetzatei care a fost odata.

PS: Cacatului nu ii pasa k ramane intiparit in parchet.El e fericit.

Acum ganditi’va ce reprezinta inghetata respectiv cacatul,zdreantza,etc.

back.

2007-10-23T09:16:00.000-07:00

it's been some time since i last complained here.
someone asked me why did i stop posting.

well
this is how i currently feel:

period.

apocalypse please

2007-09-19T08:58:00.000-07:00

scoala
[primul cuvant,k sa dea o atmosfera dramatica la restu' jurnalului :))]
trezit d dimineatza
lipsa d inspiratie
.................
si'asa a mai trecut un an
cu ras,cu plans,cu printzi si broaste,castele si balauri,amintiri,locuri ocupate in inima...rezervate pt "the great end show"(ca pan la urma,spectacolul final e cel mai bun)cu de toate.
prea dramatic deja...

mai realist:
imi pare rau k a trecut vara
da'mi pare bine k vine iarna
n-am mai scris nimic care sa aiba sens de...mult timp
n-am mai desenat

ce gri e tot.

nimic
egoism
sictir
d'astea.
si
o continua monotonie
si idiotzenie

m-am analizat,mi-am dat seama k
nush ce mi-am dat seama
ideea e ca
imi simt capu gol
nu ca n-ar fi.

si trebuie sa spun...
ce trebuia sa spun

si scriu jalnic dpdv gramatical
si logic
da nu'mi mai pasa demult
de pareri
c*caturi.

sunt parte dintr'o generatzie care va da nastere la alta generatzie...jalnica.
lumea se duce pe p***
la religie mi'e rau:dumnezeu.dumnezeu creeat de om
sau om creeat de dumnezeu
CUI II MAI PASA.
nimanui nu'i mai pasa de..mai nimic.
cel putin mie
sau imi pasa prea mult?
ma simt atat de inculta.
sunt inconjurata de oameni si mai inculti.
prea multa....mediocritate.

no one's great anymore.
m-am plictisit de prezent
in ...in 2002 credeam intr'un 2007 mai american-movie-style.
cu sweet 16 si alea alea.
clar...ca doar ascultam linkin park si evancescence p vremea aia.
[bine k nu am prins moda cu tokio hotel, multzam doamne. =))]

prea judec lumea.
multi au impresia k's un gen de judgemental bitch(c) stie-el-cine-a-zis-chestia-asta
dar,(DAR,)pe mine ma judec non stop,asa ca...
nush.
probabil sunt proasta
probabilitatea asta creste tot mai mult in ultima vreme

astea's fitze?
probabil.
ce urasc
...
faptu ca'i imposibil
iar vreau
ce nu pot avea

si aberez pe un site de doi bani
pt k n-am alt loc mai bun pt aberat.

m-am saturat de mine.
m-am saturat de locu asta
mi-am dorit X sau Y lucru
pana la urma l-am avut
si ciudat ca...dupa ce ai ce'ti doresti
realizezi k nu aia iti doreai.

nush ce vreau
nush ce...sunt.
ba da.

nimic.

as putea face destule
da nu fac.

trec prin toate ca gasca prin apa

gata.
de anu asta invatz.
de saptamana viitoare ma port frumos.
de maine o sa-mi pese
sau
deja imi pasa
dar nu destul?
nu inteleg.

cauza,plictiseala.
...prea multa cafea

si apropos:
"lines we said
never ment the words we ment"

asta...era ideea.
ce idee.
nu'i nici o idee.
trebuie sa scap d monotonia asta

m-am obisnuit cu ideea ca

nu toate's cum vreau eu.
au fost...
pot fii.
da'mi place mai mult sa sufar
sa visez
sa fiu dezamagita.
e mai...aromat
si colorat.
visez colorat...iubesc colorat...albastru.

PS: interpol - c'mere. pt detalii.pt cunoscatori.
:)

si ca sa inchei frumos, inchei cu ceea ce am in cap de cva timp...
"why are you so far away[she said]...why won't you ever know that i'n in love with you...what i'm in love with you?

PPS: new pic,"clockwork orange" @ deviantart

This song...

2007-09-01T11:38:00.000-07:00

is divine :)
<333

...myeah...whining.

2007-08-24T00:05:00.000-07:00

surrounded by everyone but still alone.
maybe missing someone
and anger.lots of anger.
why is everyone using everyone?
i dunno what's up with this sudden sadness i feel.
no one really needs me and that's a fact...
i didnt want to believe this but it's too obvious
you only see me when there's no one else there for you.

PS:

Opinions

2007-08-23T15:01:00.000-07:00

Its impossible to put your true and honest opinions on a blog cuz the people you refer to will hate you forever.
So I’ll jst sketch some ideas without offending anyone directly (though I’d like to ,I live in a goddamned democrat country right?)
Not like I’d give a fuck.
They use me anyway.Or they don’t know me only from some myspace thingies.Or some are too stupid to observe it’s all about them.It would feel so fair to make them feel shitty with the price of a “go die” or “screw you”.

I’m starting to feel and think everyone’s lame and..you know.

So on today’s show,I’m gladly presenting you my new rating system :

1.Worthless and embarrassing people which I’d like to thank to,cause they’re making me laugh my ass off!!!that meaning… people from sites trying to be cool using some pseuso-trends that they get and combine totally wrong.I’d give some exemples but I really don’t want to make them more popular than they already are.
Advice: Got some rope?

2.Bitches that try everything it needs to get attention just to be cool like some girl they admire(that they’d never admit they admire) and get to whine cause everyone notices they’re soooo lame.Plagiarism and the phenomenon of trying to be something or someone else and better (but it never works)involved.I cant tell them they're lame,they'll say i'm jealous :))
Looks like: Anyone popular + Cheapness
Advice: You are stupid.Face it, and try to hide it..

3. Boy gangs .Why? Cause if the leader of a “crew” thinks wearing underwear on your head is cool,they all do.Atleast most are cute (but stupid)

(more to come…I’m tired and sleepy and out of ideas)

PS: I know I’m not perfect either and I shouldn’t judge anyone cause some people I referred to are “cooler” than me.And they think they’re great. But the main thing is,I love laughing at my own or other’s stupidity.It’s not my fault though.
Go ahead, send me hate mail,it gets me overexcited.
So this is how I’ll lose all my friends till the age of 20.

oh look,new Vans.

14 semne k esti un brasovean cul =))

2007-08-23T14:59:00.000-07:00

Cum iti dai seama dak esti un brasoven cul?

Simplu! Ia o foaie de hartie si fa 2 coloane cu DA si NU.cu cat mai multe DA’uri cu atat esti mai cul! =)))

1.Scopurile tale in viata sunt:

-sa fii cul,si sa zici k nu esti cul pt k e cul sa fii uncool

-sa cunosti cat mai multa lume cul

-sa ai multe comments pe hi5/myspace

-sa barfesti lume care nu e la fel de cul

2.Iesi PE oras, nu IN oras

3.Repeti excesiv cuvinte de gen “frate” si “emo”

4.O arzi la modarom

5.Faci keta pt bere/tigari

6.Te dai pe placa de 3 ani da nu stii sa dai un ollie,si cu toate astea ai id de genu “ionelskater_bv”

7.Te crezi sXe da bei bere

8.Iti ghidezi viata dupa emo song

9.Esti prezent la toate manifestarile DNB din oras doar pt k se aduna lume cul acolo

10. Te oftici cand citesti kestia asta

11.Alergi din oras in oras sa’i cunosti pe xxXxVasileXxxX si pe XxxxBulinutzeSiAvionasheXxxxXX pt k au peste 3000 views pe hi5 chiar daca lor li se rupe de tine

12. Te tai pt k nu ti-a raspuns kevinXcore pe mess.

13.La tine sa ai creasta inseamna sa fii punkist kiar dak ai 15 melodii de la Exploited si Blink in calc.

14.Copiezi anumite pers la freza si stil muzical.

Dak ai peste 7 DA’uri te poti considera cul! Felicitari! Esti praf! Esti degeaba!Du'te mori!:D :X

=)))

PS: Acest quiz este facut la vrajeala de catre mine...n-am facut referire la nimeni in special,dar sunt sigura k multi se simt

upd: multumesc celor care au apreciat si au laudat kestia care am scris'o,kiar si celor care nu s'au simtit.va iubesc :D

© Art Damage

this is how i feel today.

2007-08-19T12:30:00.000-07:00

stop suffocating me.

thanks Iuana for sendin me this song :)

we all have a dark side

2007-08-19T11:05:00.000-07:00

Drawings

2007-08-17T01:38:00.000-07:00

see these in original size...and more here

Photography

2007-08-17T00:54:00.000-07:00

+ see them (and more) in original size here

Youtube thing II

2007-08-16T10:38:00.000-07:00

i just had a fight with one of my friends (we were both assholes)
and he made it up
big time
:]

with this :D
hehe

thanks again !!!

check him out HERE he's got some kewl videos n stuff^^

now i should do something too :-?
still thinking

i'm a bitch with weird or no sense of humour,iii admit..

just like Siamese

2007-08-15T09:14:00.000-07:00

lol =)) [don't ask why lol]

2007-08-07T04:27:00.000-07:00

animated avatars

2007-07-29T05:18:00.000-07:00

For myspace,hi5,xanga,blogs and shit

For myself

Customized icons
for zacky

for ada (and me)

for ashton

more to come up

+ I need suggestions

Survey ..hehe

2007-07-27T05:21:00.001-07:00

Name : Dia S. Artdamagecabaretpandapanicbellsxcore
Nick Name : art damage
Birthdate : oct 17
Birthplace : brasov
Current Location : brasov
Eye Color : dark blue/grey
Hair Color : red
Height : 1.63
Weight : 566
Boyfriend/Girlfriend : your mom
Overused Phrase : fer sure not b-)
FAVORITES
Food : your siblings
Candy : mmmmm
Number : of the beast
Color : purple
Animal : my ex and my sister
Drink : coffee..coke..
Body Part on Opposite sex : ^%$#
Perfume : davidoff
Music Album : lycantrophy
Movie : vincent
Actor/Actress : chase crawford
This or That
Pepsi or Coke : isn't that the same shit?
McDonalds or BurgerKing : go die
Chocolate or Vanilla chocolate
Hot Chocolate or Coffee : depends
Kiss or Hug : bite
Dog or Cat : both
Rap or Punk : what about screamo/hip hop? that would be better.
Summer or Winter : WINTER
Scary Movies or Funny Movies : excentric movies
Love or Money : love
YOUR...
Bedtime : skip
Most Missed Memory : D46
Best phyiscal feature : third tit
First Thought Waking Up : :)
Ambition : i shhhhhall live in uk one day!
Best Friends : w..what?
Weakness : i can't stand heat
Fears : spiders
Longest relationship : 50 years
HAVE YOU...
Cheated Your Partner : who doesn't
Ever been beaten up : not that i remember
Ever beaten someone up : classmates in 4th grade
Ever Shoplifted : ?
Ever Skinny Dipped : ??
Ever Kissed Opposite sex : there's no opposite sex.i'm a frog
Been Dumped Lately : nope
IN A GUY/GIRL
Favorite Eye Color : grey,blue,green
Favorite Hair Color : black,red
Short or Long : medium and straight
Height : 168+
Style : dark and sensitive with low self esteem =))
Looks or Personality : satanic
Hot or Cute cute
Muscular or Really Skinny : somewhere betheen
RANDOMS
What country do you want to Visit : UK,finland
How do you want to Die : killed by THEM
Been to the Mall Lately : bleah?
Get along with your Parents : i'd rather not talk about this
Health Freak : i'm not a health freak but not a junkie either
Do you think your Attractive : definetly...NOT! :))
Believe in Yourself : ocasionally
Want to go to College : why not
Do you Smoke : no
Do you Drink : no
Shower Daily : every christmas
Been in Love : too many times
Do you Sing : rarely..
Want to get Married : no one's stupid enough to marry me
Do you want Children : only with a grey-eyed pretty guy.
Age you wanna lose your Virginity : 73
Hate anyone : hate is a big word

d46

2007-07-24T04:21:00.000-07:00

i want a quick ride
take me back in my,our time

i wanna mark regrets as "checked and solved"
i'd put my lifespan on a bet for one more walk

i'd do this now and anytime
i had this dream,i'm quiting,it's no good trying

i broke the glass,the cold December
i'll take your hate as consequence,just take my "sorry"

i'd walk back then,if i had a chance
i took the blame,cleaned you out of worry

i'd do this if i knew you'd take me back
i'd pay this price with all my 20 $ left

everyone knows but you.
i want my winter back
that's all i ever had.

copyright Art Damage 2007

(new poem i wrote this morning..it's stupid,doesn't even rhyme but i'm...i hope he'll read)

Edit: at times like this it's best to quit.
sadly.
thank you.
*dies*

despite all my rage,i'm still just a rat in a cage

2007-07-15T04:30:00.000-07:00

"Despite all my rage,i'm still just a rat in a cage"

I'm just not enough.

I know we’re more,but we could be nothing without…We depend on something we hate.

Always.

And it’ll never change.

They always expect something.Anything.

Sometimes it’s too much,other times it’s not enough.At times like this, too much it’s nothing.

Who’d understand?

I have everything and nothing.

Can never put things in a balance.

Those words are hanging out of my teeth,close to lips but I still can’t tell them…should i?

I don’t know what I want.I could want anything,I could get everything or I could only get to see another gun in my face.And it’s nonsense anyway…I can’t write a single idea on a piece of…

Paper isn’t paper anymore,things are changing.

I don’t like this…

I am not this…we only need to believe right?

After all,we are what we believe we are,if we don not fail.But a lie’s the closest thing to the truth.

This isn’t what I wanted to say…

I can't write what i feel like.

n.n

2007-07-07T12:55:00.000-07:00

i feel so pleased when i'm good and kind a whole day.that happens rarely.
maybe i'm too selfish and i care about myself too much without realizing.
i feel the peace inside ))
lolz.
and today i love people that i usualy am like whatever with.
people that don't deserve shitty treatement at all.

lolz again
i had to write this
and i should be more often like this.
today i am proud of myself. xtra rare phenonenon.
(geesh i'm talking like a healed-ex-drug-addict.)
i just realised i'm so mean and stuff.
and i ignore people most of the time.
but hell,i'm more than this.
i feel like: n.n
so thank you,the ones that made my day without having a clue that you did.

land's end! (i guess this is banal 3)

2007-07-04T11:39:00.001-07:00

i was about to put it down all hysterically.that's obvious after a fuXXed up sunny day.too sunny.insupportable sunny day.my head hurts again of course.no more pepsi...caffeine..bla bla..like that would make some difference.actually i'm starting to lose any possible point to this...thing i'm trying to say.i should find something before i start calling myself pathetic instead of pressing that goddamned DELETE key.
so one day when i'll be up a stage all famous after winning whatever(hey it's just my imagination so shut up), i'll thank my mom for making me feel paranoid and everything and screwing up what's left of my brains by putting me go out with her friends' friend's cousin's-don't-know-who,just becouse i wrote something interesting today(NOT THIS LOL)...and i'll thank patrick wolf too,for Land's End and This Weather ....THAT WEATHER I MISS.and i'm missing another thing too ...ohhhh THE point. haha, fooled you.there is no point.i should stop writing crap here and put my new poems and the novel i'm working at.but hell.who'd read it? some assholes to gossip around again.becouse they still don't have a life and maybe that makes them bored lazy and unhappy.

can't wait to take off some days maybe weeks from this stupid city.a village's heat is more pleasant. at least the air smells like chicken shit,not human crap and stinky chavy parfume.and buses.and cars..and so on.of course i'm not leaving with "a green tent and a violin" :))...i'll just take my camera,clothes,pens,pencils,brushes,and paper.loads of paper.

The work is done and the record pressed  
Now you're doing battle  
With the fickle press  
You've got to strike the hammers  
And pull the bow  
And another fool  
Is just another show  
They're all the same  
And you've seen it before  

And don't it seem like too long a time  
Since you were sweating in the streetlight?  
Too many dreams, not enough schemes  
And a bike with no gears to ride  
With the wheels going too slow  

So, you tell 'em:  
"I'm leaving London for Lands End  
With a green tent and a violin  
I'm going to strike the hammers  
And pull the bow  
Just another day to forget this show  
And come back to me"  
Come back to me  
Darling come back to me  
Come back....  

Now don't it seem like to long a time  
Since you were sweating in the spotlight?  
Too many jeers, not enough cheers  
But when you sing you've got nothing to hide  
Singing: "where does the time go?  
And where did the time go?"  

Oh Darling when will you ever learn?  
The grass is always greener,  
Its everywhere you turn  
You'll see it:  
Everything you're sure of is up for change  
We're all stuck on this spinning stage  
Spinning around and round  
And round and round and round 

©land's end.

youtube thing

2007-07-04T02:00:00.000-07:00

hehe XD

made by Ashton http://www.youtube.com/user/ickybump

banal entry- nothing about Nothing

2007-07-01T12:33:00.000-07:00

....thought it was easier....thought i could run away where it will be nothing left here.

But It's not.and I can’t

....and it’s all my fault

losing

everything

all

becouse

...

fucking

stupid

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m famous, vain and careless, I can have anything I wish for, don’t i?

No.

Actually,i’m a THE fucking fake,the pseudo-everything. The living nothingness. I’m not worth anything or anyone’s time.What you’ve seen it’s what I always wanted you to see ,get it?i’m not damaged at all. I’m a damage and a bug for this place.

So what if I don’t live in your so called reality?I have my absurde dreams I’ll never make them real. I’m filled with naivety and immaturity. But….I won’t ever be willing to be something you’d agree with.I don’t need your critics, clichés …though they’re part of the scenery.This thoughtless/senseless scenery I may say. It’s who I am. Hate me or love me, only for who I am.I’ll never understand you,you’re not who you want to be,I noticed that.Same reversed; and that’s trully a fact.I’m not claiming to be superior,not at all.Just different,try to understand that “key-word”. We have this ability of halftime hating each other,don’t we? And the disability to break through everything that isn’t worth it. Here comes selfishness...

The only things we’d ever have in common would be that we both walk on two legs, goddamn it!

There’s this thing I’ll never understand.Why do I have to be like this.I honestly tell you that I don’t care about your randomness when I have my own stuff to deal with.

I’d never miss someone that wouldn’t miss me back,…[this line,i'm not writing it. figure it out yourself ].

And I’m weak with artillery and stuff. I only throw with heavy sophisticated words, ripped out from the most popular foreign language.They seem not mine at all. But they make me who I am. What…am I trying to say?

Look,what a waste of space.

I’ve been writing about myself,weren’t i? I’m a genius.No one has ever written about NOTHING, right?I’m the first one.

One Step

2007-06-29T08:27:00.001-07:00

there’s only one step
between poetry and madness
between love and hate
you and me
care and damage
words and actions
nothing and everything
fallen tears and desperation
...between today and tomorow
between happiness and sorrow
as you see my heart feels so hollow

there’s a song
i’ll never get to sing loudly
there’s you heart
that’ll never get to heal completely
there’s a smile
That’ll always be alive
now I try
to forget how to hide
and to scream it all inside

copyright Art Damage 2007

oldest poem - i wrote this when i was 13 (it's in romanian)

2007-06-29T08:25:00.001-07:00

Cu sangele inghetzat
Tarasti prin realitate
Un vis demult uitat
Un vis fara de moarte

Fantasma noptzii negre
Dezgust al zilei albe
Esti ingerul de veghe
Ce ma privesti de-aproape

Te ratacesti in stele
Cu aripi gri de gheatza
Si speri ca printre ele
Sa ai o noua viata

Ma chemi privind din umbra
Ma judeci si ma certi
Ca fiinta acuzata
de crima...sa ma ierti

Tu tzi-ai uitat reperul
Demult alergi prin vise
si-ndepartat ti-e cerul
Cu portile inchise

Sperand ca macar eu
Ca tine,intunecata
Sa pot vedea mereu
Un zambet mort... de gheatza...

copyright Art Damage 2004

i hope you don't speak romanian,cause this sounds stupid =))

whatever

2007-06-29T08:22:00.002-07:00

Let's kiss a memorie from tomorrow
A thought ..a feeling we both have
We always did
But drowned in sorrow
It almost failed......
.....Crawled through a lot

My mind flyes to the past
Half damaged
In shape of heart...a bitter sweet black
I love you....
You love me.....
WHATEVER

What I hate keeps me alive
And what I love still kills me...
My lonely thoughts find answer in yours
As broken as mine
We are the same and so different
So fix me inside

Tomorrow will always be better
The blood in my tears turned to wine
So sweet and sinful
As the beat in your heart
The taste of your lips
And the look in your eyes

On the same road we runned
Let's hide
Not only tonight but forever
....I know this won't happened
I love you
You love me
WHATEVER...

copyright Art Damage 2007

be my...

2007-06-29T08:21:00.001-07:00

be my...
Be my guitar string
When I’m tired of piano
Be my quiet sound of sleep
Kill my insomniac shadow
Be my darkness full of light
Fallen angel from the night
Be the tear..so black and hollow
So hysterical and shallow
Be mine...

copyright Art Damage 2007

Pitiful POEM XII

2007-06-29T08:20:00.002-07:00

I’m sick of being me
I’m sick of letting you be yourself…
I’m sick of everything I never told before
This life is such a fucking whore…
I’m tired of surprising myself
In a mirror that doesn’t even tell
I’m tired of seeing you
As a someone special
But again I only see a shadow
So fuck you..
I don’t feel anything
I don’t need anyone
It’s only in your mind..this is the truth
A projection I once loved
And now it turned to a mess…
So what if I’m full of shallowness
I could be anything I want
You’d be forgotten
But you need my pity….

copyright Art Damage 2007

Anesthesia POEM XI

2007-06-29T08:20:00.001-07:00

Feeling it fading
A feeling that passes away
Like the life turns to a shadow
You kept it in your arms till last day

Cold white walls surrounding your head
Weeping smiles and bleeding dreams
This pill will keep this buried inside
Your damaged childish mind

And now we wait…

Hearing those cars
Chasing people and stars
In the meantime..i’ll make it last…
Cursing the clouds cause they’re hiding the sun
By the time i pray your heart won’t stop

Now we wait…

And you’re singing ..screaming…
Screaming poison…
Like no one cares
In my arms your light is fading
Fading away…
And now we wait…
And now we pray…
And now you’re here
You know you won’t stay!!!

copyright Art Damage 2007

Little Metal Pieces POEM X

2007-06-29T08:18:00.002-07:00

So I’m tired trying to picture anything
A sick feeling that seems like growing …healing
I’m not saying anything ..you know the idea
Of drowning into nonsense
And make it look so real
Two broken parts of broken thoughts
Can form a new red beating heart
Half glued but still alive

So let’s stop damaging our skin
With little metal pieces
That seem to know the answer
The answer to no question
When no one seems to listen
You’re turning into no one
And if I feel like choking breathing
I know that’s not air anymore

Too broken to avoid
The unsuspecting ending
The only thing you don’t trust yet
Is something with beginning…
So let’s start it from the end
To make sure this is worth the time

copyright Art Damage 2007

To be fixed again POEM IX

2007-06-29T08:18:00.001-07:00

I can notice you anger in every sentence you scream whispering
The hate that filled your mouth instead of words
It’s coming out now
Through your pale light eyes
I once adored and now they seem so black
I tried to understand something
From your distorted yells
And I tried to look at you….telling you what it takes
To be fixed again…

And you’re so destroyed
I feel like I should say anything to make you feel better
Than you fake a childish smile
Like you don’t know I know better
You’re faking happiness for 3 or 6 seconds
And then it turns to tears from 10 to 11

That’s not the way I teached you all along
You used to say that nothing cares for you anymore
Now I showed you it does..or it did…
But it’s too late…
My wound already healed
Keep your smile..don’t let it fade…

copyright Art Damage 2007

dangerous kiss POEM VIII

2007-06-29T08:17:00.001-07:00

Like an empty thick air
I like to hear you
Go whispering around my neck
Warm me..i am cold like heck

Scared of living …yet afrade to die
Scars of dark red on my heart make you cry
A damaged sin…an innocent dream
A bizarre minded word
From my black painted soul
Screaming your pain out
Deep and dangerous like a hole
Scares you and frights even
Your honey flavoured lips

Like a fear that’ll guide you
I won’t let you go.

copyright Art Damage 2007

Heart,shatter! POEM VII

2007-06-29T08:16:00.001-07:00

I don’t belive in fairies
And I don’t put trust in ghosts
But a heart that’s real and hurts and bleeds will now heal in the darkest show

A kiss ,my skin, imaginary home
A hope that frights and truth that hides
Will teach you how to deal with this
From weeping blood to cry out smiles
The spectre of the options that’ll always laugh you out and run

Will it hurt you?
Does this worth your trust?
Will you heal me?
Will you be more than dust?

I don’t belive in fairies
And I also don’t belive in lies

Untitled POEM VI

2007-06-29T08:15:00.001-07:00

Thought I’d find light in your eyes
I didn’t…you felt it…you felt it
But the eternal flame of smiles and tears
I could see it…the future reflecting
In your eyes…too much to take
In the salted rain drops
Coming down my face…
Cause it’s all over..
All over…

I’ll be so fine…looking up at the sky
Maybe It’ll dry my eyes…
Maybe It’ll light my wounds to heal up faster

And optimistic wave i never felt before
…a broken glass into my heart
Of fear ,hope,confusion and sadness
Feels like It’s melting…
And turning to walls…
Numb my insides…
I’m alone.but I cannot die
Feeling stronger..so alive…
But so dead and loveless..i’m still weak
A trash I thought you’d understand
But no one could…it’s so in vain

You made me belive
That my heart’s not that black
Than you made me think
I’m strange like I felt
This atmosphere doesn’t need me
I don’t belong here..after I built my own soul
Upon a block of emotions and songs…
I’m not like alive..i’ve thrown myself twice
Into life..into a life I don’t desirve..
Not here… not now ..not with you in my heart

copyright Art Damage 2007

Headache,heartache POEM V

2007-06-29T08:14:00.000-07:00

You see me differently
You're so sick of me
I'm still standing there trying to explain
Outside your soul …in front of a corridor

So many never ending dreams I see
Through all the splattered mascara
And tears wasted on nothing
Based on daydreams…

So paint my face in trompe l’oeil
Cause I won’t be here anymore

Picture my heartbeat
Until I keep those feelings warm
As long as my eyes weep
You won’t remember me cold

So many never ending ways i see
Though all this dust..and shapeless glass
And i'll waste more tears on nothing
It's based on headaches...like before
It's based on heartaches

copyright Art Damage 2007

letter for a lost 'the one' POEM IV

2007-06-29T08:13:00.001-07:00

I've got a cold heart and empty head
I've got no apparent reason
I'm already dead

I’m just another victim
Another life undone
Seems to me that in this dead life
You were the only one

[Run away.. Don’t run away!
Not a damn thing left to say
It fades away and it falls apart
I can't remember the start
The only one …walks away
The thought you had …too afraid to say
The disease you can't cure, so run away
So run away
DON’T RUN AWAY]

Ran away from the life I used to have
It was painted white but it felt so fu*king black
Face down, lie dead but still afraid to die
Reach the end once again
(I’m just another suicide)

So you

[Run away.. Don’t run away!
Not a damn thing left to say
It fades away and it falls apart
You think you're the reason
You know you're the start
The only one …walks away
The thought you had …too afraid to say
The disease you can't cure, so run away
So run away
DON’T RUN AWAY]

And you know it's true
That It will kill you
And I hope it's true
cause it killed me too

And I know it's true
That you've killed me too!

And I know it's true
That you've killed me too!

copyright Art Damage 2007

i wrote this for a romanian unsigned band from bucharest but they gave up music in the meantime :))

paranoic break up note POEM III

2007-06-29T08:12:00.001-07:00

I feel that despise
In your eyes,yea in your eyes.
Tell me are we breaking?

We talk synchronized
Sympathize someone else
Telling we are breakin

Saving saving
Nothing left
Damage skin and bury heads

On the pillows
Laying heads
Bleeding cuts and empty brains

Silver hearts,forgotten names
Nothing here is left but blames

Suffocating words of hate
On the mirrors left to fade

Are we lost?
Am I insane?

copyright Art Damage 2007

Wrists bleeding,bodys hanging POEM II

2007-06-29T05:42:00.000-07:00

Fake words
With a sad face on
Oh,cry
On your golden throne
Façade
With a smile upon
A lie
And a heart scratched on

My sharpness didn’t work on you
Here’s your pleasure:I fell for you
Misspelled the word of trust
Let’s spit pink dust and throw up lust
While I think of ways to kill you
Fast fast fast.

Love bleeds
And you cry out more
Missed me
Leave your fakeness home
I know
That you're on your own
You sigh
But you’re happy though

Hearts breaking,revenge and drama
Wrists bleeding,bodys hanging
My ceiling cannot take this much more
And you’re faking

You’re suffering and I love it
This love-hate,let’s enjoy it
Fist fights and bleeding noses
You missed me and that shows it

Fake kisses
Too much lipstick on
Oh,cry
You’re still alone
Façade
With a smile upon
Let's lie
Scratching less than three's on...

On the pink dust ...
On this moving ground

Certain Goodbye - POEM I

2007-06-29T05:34:00.000-07:00

Paper wings, cheap poems with a taste of yesterday

All that’s left of this war…of this bitterness

Scratched walls with a shade of dry of blood we’ve once tasted

With questions untold we’re so mentally wasted

No destination and a one way road,

He’d say

“There’s no such thing as home as you thought

But you’ll make it”

I’ll travel blindfolded with a Y on my forehead

You’ll hide and you’ll die ..disputes hit your face,

Shot you straight to his waist …

Throw you down to the ground till you’re done…

You’ll be breaking

I’m caught in this blast and there’s no turning back…

The skies turning black and my eyes see him fading,

He’d say

“Stop bleeding my dear,I’m like dead,my soul’s traded”

And running behind with fake tears in his eyes

“Take this map,and this heart cause yours,I did break it

SUQ (Stupid but Useful Questions)

2007-06-29T04:50:00.000-07:00

SUQ (like FAQ but not FAQ.)

1.Wtf is panic bells ?

-my bunny's name,two nice words from the song "99 red balloons" and obviously the name i chose for this blog.

2. Wtf is art damage?

-my universal nickname,id,artist-wannabe signature,pen name,etc.

3. Who cares about this sh*t?Why did you made this blog?

-i'm not here for fame/comments/views or advertising anything.i just made this to write my thoughts,poems,sketches and stuff here,to show this blog to someone who'll help me write a book.someday haha.

4.Why are you writing everything in English?

-becouse romanian is lame and english is cool.and i don't want my mom to read any of this.

5.Who the f*ck do you think you are?

random teenager,15 going on 16 and a pain in the S.

emotionally retarded and overdramatic.small thing with purple hair,

wannabe writer,poet,SOMETHING.

wannabe photographer and art student.wannabe SOMEONE.

wannabe SOMEONE's SOMETHING after all.

dumb,too talkative and rather annoying.

famous but not vain.too mature and immature at the same time.can't write anything cause words are always wwwwuujjjjinh in my head like a riot and i'm trying to catch what i can.

i write nonsense.who cares to know all this crap anyway? i'm goddamn worthless.

but nevermind that now n.n

the point is (yes,there IS a point)that i can't say enough about anything.

i'm apparently superficial becouse of that.

so before my pen goes dry,i have to to stay tuned,i have mayny things to write in here.and they're not as lame and meaningless as this selfportrait here.

PS: HIGHLIGH THIS TEXT,it's all white i dunno what happened.

-.-"